“Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.” – Tina Fey
So I don't know about you guys, but motherhood is so damn tiring. Good days and bad days I am just tired. Right now it doesn't help that I'm 9 months pregnant, so I'm just extra tired. But my goodness chasing after an energized 1.5 year old should be a job itself. I should be able to put that in my skills on future job applications. My child is on another level y'all. She's constantly into something, and never stops. Not even for a second. And lately she's been giving me the fight of my life at bedtime. So by the end of the day I am just completely drained. I knew that being a mom would be difficult, I definitely didn't expect rainbows and sunshines everyday, but my goodness I give props to all moms out there. You're doing a great job. I know some days it may not seem like it, but you are! I promise.
Now onto the point of this post. This past year (2016) I have found myself rushing through my days. It's pretty much been a routine and I look forward to bedtime, simply so I can just get a break. Days like today are tough, when Jayde is just fighting me on EVERYTHING and nothing makes her happy. Yet she's 1.5, what more could I expect. She can't speak yet and can't voice her emotions properly so she shows it by throwing fits and fighting me. So I spend my day just waiting for bedtime, watching the clock counting how many hours until I can have some peace and rest. Obviously this isn't her everyday, majority of days she's super happy and that's it. But as I get bigger and more pregnant she seems to become more wild and more crazy. I'll be honest with you, days like today I just can't keep up. I just wanna throw in the towel and sleep for days. The child in my tummy is making it so I can't breathe and the child outside my tummy is screaming so loud I can't hear myself think.
But tonight, after bath time, I was holding Jayde and rocking her in her room. Just embracing her touch and her loving cause she was actually not screaming for once today. I sat there and literally took in everything. The shine of the light on her beautiful big brown eyes, the smell of her freshly bathed hair, how tightly she grasped my arms as she hugged me. And I cried softly, because as most of the day I sat wishing it by, I now realized this could be one of my last days with her as an only child. I felt guilty. I try my hardest everyday to be the best most patient mother I can be, and in moments like we were sharing I cannot help but feel so guilty that today I just couldn't be the best for her. We were both just tired and grumpy. So we sat for a while before bed and just hugged as I rocked her and patted her back. Then there was a moment where she looked up at me, put her hands on my face and gave me a kiss. That moment solidified everything for me, that this is just a hard day.
I need to stop rushing through days, and embrace them as they come. Yes today may be a bad day for us both, (as she's currently fighting bedtime for the millionth time) but these days won't last forever, and soon enough she won't need me to tuck her in or cuddle her before bed. Soon I'll have TWO babies to worry about for bedtime and it won't just be Jayde and mommy time. The days are so fast but the years are so short. Tonight really showed me that I need to slow down and enjoy every day with Jayde, and soon Sloane, even if they can be tiny monsters who I think hate me half the time.
So once again moms, if you're having a hard day just remember it doesn't last forever. Our babies are only small for so long. We will all have bad days and that doesn't mean we're bad moms. Last but not least remember to slow down and not rush through motherhood. It's already flying by, so we shouldn't rush it even more. Hug them tighter, love on them longer, and smother them with kisses all the time.