tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4533569075303220502024-03-12T18:27:42.935-07:00Days with JaydeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-13881624184091454892016-10-01T16:30:00.001-07:002016-10-01T16:30:27.769-07:00Rushing through Motherhood. <div style="text-align: center;">
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So I don't know about you guys, but motherhood is so damn tiring. Good days and bad days I am just tired. Right now it doesn't help that I'm 9 months pregnant, so I'm just extra tired. But my goodness chasing after an energized 1.5 year old should be a job itself. I should be able to put that in my skills on future job applications. My child is on another level y'all. She's constantly into something, and never stops. Not even for a second. And lately she's been giving me the fight of my life at bedtime. So by the end of the day I am just completely drained. I knew that being a mom would be difficult, I definitely didn't expect rainbows and sunshines everyday, but my goodness I give props to all moms out there. You're doing a great job. I know some days it may not seem like it, but you are! I promise. </div>
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Now onto the point of this post. This past year (2016) I have found myself rushing through my days. It's pretty much been a routine and I look forward to bedtime, simply so I can just get a break. Days like today are tough, when Jayde is just fighting me on EVERYTHING and nothing makes her happy. Yet she's 1.5, what more could I expect. She can't speak yet and can't voice her emotions properly so she shows it by throwing fits and fighting me. So I spend my day just waiting for bedtime, watching the clock counting how many hours until I can have some peace and rest. Obviously this isn't her everyday, majority of days she's super happy and that's it. But as I get bigger and more pregnant she seems to become more wild and more crazy. I'll be honest with you, days like today I just can't keep up. I just wanna throw in the towel and sleep for days. The child in my tummy is making it so I can't breathe and the child outside my tummy is screaming so loud I can't hear myself think. </div>
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But tonight, after bath time, I was holding Jayde and rocking her in her room. Just embracing her touch and her loving cause she was actually not screaming for once today. I sat there and literally took in everything. The shine of the light on her beautiful big brown eyes, the smell of her freshly bathed hair, how tightly she grasped my arms as she hugged me. And I cried softly, because as most of the day I sat wishing it by, I now realized this could be one of my last days with her as an only child. I felt guilty. I try my hardest everyday to be the best most patient mother I can be, and in moments like we were sharing I cannot help but feel so guilty that today I just couldn't be the best for her. We were both just tired and grumpy. So we sat for a while before bed and just hugged as I rocked her and patted her back. Then there was a moment where she looked up at me, put her hands on my face and gave me a kiss. That moment solidified everything for me, that this is just a hard day. </div>
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I need to stop rushing through days, and embrace them as they come. Yes today may be a bad day for us both, (as she's currently fighting bedtime for the millionth time) but these days won't last forever, and soon enough she won't need me to tuck her in or cuddle her before bed. Soon I'll have TWO babies to worry about for bedtime and it won't just be Jayde and mommy time. The days are so fast but the years are so short. Tonight really showed me that I need to slow down and enjoy every day with Jayde, and soon Sloane, even if they can be tiny monsters who I think hate me half the time. </div>
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So once again moms, if you're having a hard day just remember it doesn't last forever. Our babies are only small for so long. We will all have bad days and that doesn't mean we're bad moms. Last but not least remember to slow down and not rush through motherhood. It's already flying by, so we shouldn't rush it even more. Hug them tighter, love on them longer, and smother them with kisses all the time. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-49322104232229374792016-06-11T08:05:00.001-07:002016-06-11T08:11:35.763-07:00Birth Mom.<div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Giving birth does not make a mother…Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.”<br style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Unknown</em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9w4TgLBOwuyrp9jPpra2_1uCOfwpZ4FGB6HgHmnHEfqAXSer44KX-joOrGlcWvs214YhLX507eNfV0vaYDzXdcvRJWdGWKELtwqKLf7fDy_tr_0DRSHYrtmg6ra_cB5ZdI18QxcsVOqg/s640/blogger-image-958536399.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9w4TgLBOwuyrp9jPpra2_1uCOfwpZ4FGB6HgHmnHEfqAXSer44KX-joOrGlcWvs214YhLX507eNfV0vaYDzXdcvRJWdGWKELtwqKLf7fDy_tr_0DRSHYrtmg6ra_cB5ZdI18QxcsVOqg/s640/blogger-image-958536399.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">t's been almost a month since Jayde turned one. In fact it'll be a month tomorrow. And I've been thinking a lot about her birthmom. In fact I cried on the phone yesterday with my mom, just talking about her. All I've been able to think of is how much hurt she must've had on Jaydes birthday. While we're here celebrating her turning one and being in our lives for a whole year, I forgot to stop and think about the fact that her birth mom has been without her for a whole year. That broke my heart. Don't get me wrong I am forever grateful for my sweet Jayde, but to imagine a life without her kills me. From now on I've decided on every birthday to stop and take a moment to just send up a thank you to her birthmom. I hope she knows Jayde is happy, I hope she feels she made the right choice. Although I'm sure she still feels the pain of her loss, I hope she never forgets why she made this decision. I know I'll never stop being thankful. </span></div><div><br></div><div>Moments like these make me fearful for the future, the days when Jayde asks me about her and I don't know what to say. It makes me wish we knew something about her. Or what she looks like. I wonder if we've walked by her in the grocery store and both had no clue. Adoption is such a wonderful thing, but I'll never stop thinking about the pain it must've caused on her end. Jayde is the greatest gift in my life (besides her little sibling I'm currently making) and I really wish I could just hug this woman and say thank you for bringing me back to life. For giving me the one thing I've always longed for. On top of that, she gave me the most perfect little human for me. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-17315840242691097112016-04-12T06:43:00.001-07:002016-04-12T17:10:17.985-07:0011 Whole months of Jayde<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KVPWaF8Xs6KpRXgV38zIBcYHLYLJUw-NzLoeGDBP7y2Df3O8njFDhyDlBC9-I9zv4Hu3gVOjOguOfQ8m-LcD8xNt44ni41lMcbXxcIGXpxXNeJtjYjarw9L7mbCH8RRiE9WZh80Ccbw/s640/blogger-image--1243124126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KVPWaF8Xs6KpRXgV38zIBcYHLYLJUw-NzLoeGDBP7y2Df3O8njFDhyDlBC9-I9zv4Hu3gVOjOguOfQ8m-LcD8xNt44ni41lMcbXxcIGXpxXNeJtjYjarw9L7mbCH8RRiE9WZh80Ccbw/s640/blogger-image--1243124126.jpg"></a></div>Has it really been 11 months? 11 months since I first got the call that I was gonna be a mommy! 11 months since I laid eyes on her beautiful dark haired chubby cheeked little face. That's insane to me. She has learned so much since 8 months that she's not even the same baby! I look at photos and I can't believe how quickly she's changed before my eyes! <div><br></div><div>- She's walking EVERYWHERE</div><div>- She loves dancing </div><div>- She's experiencing more "stranger danger"</div><div>- Her favorite person in the world is her grandpa! </div><div>- She loves animals</div><div>- Swimming/Water is her favorite thing</div><div>- She's more interested in things that aren't toys</div><div><br></div><div>And the list goes on and on! </div><div><br></div><div>I've cried a couple times the past few weeks (including this morning) just thinking about her turning one. I'm enjoying every second with her, but everyday she moves further and further away from being a baby and closer to being a toddler. I never in my life thought it could go this fast. She's the happiest little baby and the way she lights up when I walk in the room just melts my heart! I've never felt so lucky, as I have when I was chosen to be her mommy. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm hoping to have her adoption done by August. We've had some setbacks and although it stinks, I know it'll happen and I just have to be patient! But boy oh boy I can't wait til the day she's finally LEGALLY mine and no one else's! I can't wait to be able to make every single choice for her without having to ask her social worker. I can't wait to have the weight of foster care taken off my shoulders, and just know how happy I am to take her out of the system. She's been home since the moment I met her. I am her home, and she is mine. My heart is hers. And her heart is mine! </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-23783637051877252872016-03-09T10:24:00.001-08:002016-03-09T18:52:35.333-08:00My little love, Jayde.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">"Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles." -Sharon Jaynes </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq7t-B3QVf44DVobNBOh-0o-NeN_z_shU1ae04s3Mhpepbz1uW6BJHIbIRmXsfBrwG0V-hQgrWbDgFVcJhdK_hbaagzt7WP9BQTqE1ThStm6wKR3-2YmXPRbc18V8YnYZLlXR5ZOs9M3o/s640/blogger-image--24259843.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq7t-B3QVf44DVobNBOh-0o-NeN_z_shU1ae04s3Mhpepbz1uW6BJHIbIRmXsfBrwG0V-hQgrWbDgFVcJhdK_hbaagzt7WP9BQTqE1ThStm6wKR3-2YmXPRbc18V8YnYZLlXR5ZOs9M3o/s640/blogger-image--24259843.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm not gonna lie things have been tough lately, not with Jayde, but with my life. Figuring out our new path and how to handle it all can be pretty overwhelming. But as I sit here I can't help but be grateful that I got to stay home with my daughter for 10 whole months! Now as I prepare to return to work, I can't help but be sad. I don't want to leave her. Ever. I want to be the one with her everyday. But I know it's to better our lives. So I know I must do it. I can't help but just reflect on how beautiful her life has been so far and how much more amazing our future is looking. Jayde is blossoming into a beautiful little girl and I'm amazed I had part in that. To know she looks at me as her mom, still to this day melts my heart. I couldn't be more grateful to be her mother. And I am so fortunate she was chosen to be my daughter. When I look at our story I'm so overwhelmed with love for this journey we're going through. Knowing that each day we are one day closer to adoption puts me at peace. I cannot wait to close this Foster Care journey and open a new chapter! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Jayde is learning something new everyday and it's incredible to watch her comprehend things. She is so intelligent and picks things up so quickly! We go on our trip to San Antonio tomorrow and I'm so excited to travel more with her! I get to show her more of the US and she gets to meet her Auntie Trin and celebrate her new baby cousin! We cannot wait! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Each day I love her more and more. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-85549293896729438762016-02-11T14:45:00.001-08:002016-02-17T11:32:13.289-08:009 months with Jayde.<div>"And to be a mother is to finally understand that love that people talk about, that soul-crushing, all-encompassing love for your child that nothing could prepare you for and nothing compares to." </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKjPQvQkhIUI_MZLfOrd4PbBq_vPT3bwcyLsJuLTzHVRS-LzX7S7iLE1AmiwKBYxJDnN4g6QhzT96V-3TIzdRFgphXjRt8AMi0m-hbG2p9Hbf6GrZtRAjQrs7AKkBAmEmxi_zfGAT6C3M/s640/blogger-image--1907556008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKjPQvQkhIUI_MZLfOrd4PbBq_vPT3bwcyLsJuLTzHVRS-LzX7S7iLE1AmiwKBYxJDnN4g6QhzT96V-3TIzdRFgphXjRt8AMi0m-hbG2p9Hbf6GrZtRAjQrs7AKkBAmEmxi_zfGAT6C3M/s640/blogger-image--1907556008.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It's amazing to me that Jayde has been in my life for 9 months as of tomorrow! 9 months and 6 days ago it was just a normal day for me, wishing I could be a mommy. Not knowing if that day would ever come. Little did I know that 5 days later I'd get the call about a little baby who needed a home. Now that little baby is crawling and almost walking, and her life has flashed before my eyes. My heart is outside my body and every day is a new adventure with her. She's the most amazing little girl I've ever met, and I am so incredibly lucky I get to be her mommy! </span></div><div><br></div><div>When I think back, I remember how long 9 months of trying to become a mommy felt. It was never ending, and it went so slow in my eyes! Now here as a mommy, 9 months have flown in a blink of an eye. There's no way I could ever describe just how much I have not only loved being a mom, but being a mom to Jayde! She couldn't be more perfect for me. She's made me grow so much as a person! It's not always rainbows and sunshine, there's days where I wonder if I'm giving her enough. Or wonder if I'm doing enough for her! There's days where I'm so exhausted I don't know how I'll push through. There's nights where I feel guilty for enjoying my "me" time! But in those rare moments where I walk into her room after nap and I see her cute little face light up when she sees me, and I know that I'm hers. I feel so overwhelmed by her love sometimes because I don't feel worthy of such a perfect little human. </div><div><br></div><div>She's got 4 (yes FOUR) teeth now! They all came in within a month! She's got her next check up next week (shell get her shots then! :( ) She's standing up on everything and climbing everywhere! She's learning something new everyday. She's eating more food and branching out to foods that mommy doesn't like. It's incredible for me to watch her figure things out, you can see by her facial expressions how it'll just click in her head. I can't describe the love I have for her but I'll spend forever showing her. She is and always will be my baby. </div><div><br></div><div>Evalina Jayde. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-44371701859020387762015-12-24T03:08:00.001-08:002016-03-09T19:10:27.838-08:00What a year.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>No present under the tree could top the best gift of all, my sweet girl❤️ <div><br></div><div>Honestly, there is no gift in the world I could've been given that would've topped finally becoming a mommy and daddy. Every holiday has been so much fun having a little one around and I know they'll only be better once her daddy is home! I still wake up each morning and can't believe this little girl is mine. It's so surreal that she even happened! After waiting so long and finally having her here in my arms, I don't think this feeling will ever go away. She's the most beautiful little soul I've ever met. So this year as I sit and reflect on it all, I appreciate the good times and the bad times! And I appreciate everything that led us to Jayde. 2015 was amazing, I can only imagine how 2016 will go. I hope everyone out there struggling with fertility can one day feel this joy, whether it be your own biological child or through adoption. Merry Christmas everyone! Time to go enjoy a Christmas morning nap with Jayde! <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNiJgN6WbiNCwQ3zyD7dQOHO1nKGR1mRTev6B2sdySvS_w_aMOw4xGWdKlv_cGnrezhzbdfdt36Yvnwy_xMx3LNWtpFVe1IQ5zRP0qMwI3j829MCuvnE3EdeWBVI7xV6aJ1Z76V8jUUU/s640/blogger-image-1553309807.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNiJgN6WbiNCwQ3zyD7dQOHO1nKGR1mRTev6B2sdySvS_w_aMOw4xGWdKlv_cGnrezhzbdfdt36Yvnwy_xMx3LNWtpFVe1IQ5zRP0qMwI3j829MCuvnE3EdeWBVI7xV6aJ1Z76V8jUUU/s640/blogger-image-1553309807.jpg"></a></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-24606768105420147112015-12-06T10:56:00.001-08:002015-12-10T15:18:11.151-08:00Our Dream Come True<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">"Parenthood requires Love, not DNA" </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpF6hfgjXqc3rkH9AGX793ajNlfunDC_Q4lKYCldJWQ_qzKLjIUkCgEXWfKxXf92R7h3KL2__Ydbl3cELwkekz9P_FWmJqCtFDoI5XwmfQY2x8knvgrBEygvDzkS7xFFmOZhlF-v6tiuw/s640/blogger-image--1017162089.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpF6hfgjXqc3rkH9AGX793ajNlfunDC_Q4lKYCldJWQ_qzKLjIUkCgEXWfKxXf92R7h3KL2__Ydbl3cELwkekz9P_FWmJqCtFDoI5XwmfQY2x8knvgrBEygvDzkS7xFFmOZhlF-v6tiuw/s640/blogger-image--1017162089.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The past couple weeks have been rough for us. Jayde has bronchitis and its lasting forever! Last night I was watching her sleep in my arms and I was just thinking about life before her and how many times I wished for her. How many nights I wished at 11:11 for a baby, how many times I wished on an eyelash, and how many prayers I prayed. How everytime I felt like I was losing hope and faith id pick myself back up and keep moving forward. I'm still in shock that everything we went through resulted in Jayde. Our oh so perfect, healthy baby girl. I've dreamt so long about getting baby converse for our child (we wear chucks all the time), I never let myself but any because I had lost hope. So this was a big moment for me. Being able to finally get our dream come true! It's the little things that I'm so appreciative for! I've always passed those little kiosks in the mall around Christmas time that have personalized ornaments and hoped one day I'd be able to get one for our baby. Well this year that came true, and when I put it on the tree I could've cried. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhST4WoHNZkK35dwiabDNqF3crsuVPrkv2Oq1E33L1dLrwU7JVuop_upYZRL-pAGuCSP9HdDDg8bLLFejNDRq0lAsFQNFFrD0pFcci_R63eshogUWxLj30zDnN_ugcHmAXj8h_SAYevHyM/s640/blogger-image-2049240210.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhST4WoHNZkK35dwiabDNqF3crsuVPrkv2Oq1E33L1dLrwU7JVuop_upYZRL-pAGuCSP9HdDDg8bLLFejNDRq0lAsFQNFFrD0pFcci_R63eshogUWxLj30zDnN_ugcHmAXj8h_SAYevHyM/s640/blogger-image-2049240210.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I honestly don't ever think I'll get over the fact that Jayde is really ours. I'm so grateful everyday for her, and every dream we get to make come true because of her. The day she was born a new life for us began. I'll never forget everything we went through to get to this point. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'll love you forever Evalina Jayde💗 </div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-56655418376032453222015-11-29T08:39:00.001-08:002015-11-29T08:39:27.999-08:00200 days.<h3 style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span class="sumo_twilighter_highlighted twilighter-6b2e7d44" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px !important; font-style: inherit !important; font-variant: inherit !important; line-height: inherit !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; vertical-align: inherit !important; cursor: pointer !important; font-size: 17px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Her smile makes me smile. Her laugh is infectious. Her heart is pure and true. Above all I love that she is my daughter."</span></h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoopYQZmOKPLO8nhlQqSBOO8Izq03lO2lgzQonqcBimZgsKxk_yuPOK5I7fu-aqOixAVejO_JfZwmKik3UoPKSDQ7w_qq3zU40Ygu2qGTcDH63ve4gLIoKUaXkpto2r5rUKiJi25xEPkQ/s640/blogger-image-1000846047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoopYQZmOKPLO8nhlQqSBOO8Izq03lO2lgzQonqcBimZgsKxk_yuPOK5I7fu-aqOixAVejO_JfZwmKik3UoPKSDQ7w_qq3zU40Ygu2qGTcDH63ve4gLIoKUaXkpto2r5rUKiJi25xEPkQ/s640/blogger-image-1000846047.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It has been 200 days since Jayde was born (201 today actually) and that means she's been in Foster Care for that long. Almost 7 months. We are one step closer to our adoption ceremony. Her adoption has been approved by the board of social services! (YAY!) So we have a couple steps left before making a final date! We are so beyond excited for that day! Although my husband won't be here for it, we can't wait til she's officially a Ward! We have waited over 4 years for this moment! When we start a family! I feel like the moment they officially announce her as ours I will be able to breathe again. Right now I feel as though I'm holding my breath waiting for something to happen even though I know she's ours. I just can't wait til it's legal on paper. I'm ready to move on to the next chapter in our life with Jayde. Planning her gotcha day party, planning for her daddy's homecoming, planning her first birthday party, my brother graduating then leaving for bootcamp, and so much more! I know a month or two may not seem like very long to you, but to me it seems like an eternity when I'm so ready for this all to be done and official! Jayde has stolen our hearts and I'm hoping and praying that she won't be our "foster child" for too much longer! To us she has and always will be our daughter, Jayde. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-17472718322397170772015-11-21T15:21:00.001-08:002015-11-21T15:21:34.496-08:00National Adoption Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i>Happy National Adoption Day!</i> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxf4yRtAV5KbhidmOKlGnRVZ0_6I1UblrSTz757gJV6NL0YrciiEwg00X8bHB5fItsJOP6EUb9xipqenLOpD8WiNK0epEkuY30rpTZHh2myzQao76XHZlxukoyjOv86GDPHlcT4cEOro/s640/blogger-image-231620048.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxf4yRtAV5KbhidmOKlGnRVZ0_6I1UblrSTz757gJV6NL0YrciiEwg00X8bHB5fItsJOP6EUb9xipqenLOpD8WiNK0epEkuY30rpTZHh2myzQao76XHZlxukoyjOv86GDPHlcT4cEOro/s640/blogger-image-231620048.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today is a day to celebrate Adoption! This thing that has become the biggest part of my life recently. Adoption is not all rainbows and sunshine. Is consists of loss for one set of parents and happiness for the new set. It's something that will have an effect on my daughter for the rest of her life. I am absolutely dreading the day when I hear those words "You're not my real mom!" Cause I know they'll happen one day. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But when this sweet child looks into my eyes and smiles and reaches for me, she sees no color, she doesn't see someone who's not her biological mom. She sees her mama. That's love. I am the lucky one that will get to be called mama! Adoption did this for me. For 4 years I've longed to be called mama. I've dreamt of this life and always wondered what it would be like. Never did I imagine it would happen this way, but boy I am so grateful it did. This little girl is the most perfect child for John and I. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Now it's not perfect everyday. In fact no day is perfect because my husbands not home with us. John left the day she came home from the hospital, he left for pre deployment training for the next 4.5 months. Then would deploy right after that. He won't be home until Jayde is almost one. That is what makes everyday not perfect, not having him here to enjoy this life we've dreamt of for so long. But we live for FaceTime calls, and he melts at the fact that she said Da-Da (her first word) right to him. This little girl has stolen his heart. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Now I know this post is so all over the place, but that's my life. So much going on all at once. I wouldn't have it any other way (besides this stupid deployment). I cannot wait for our adoption ceremony to seal the deal and have her officially be Evalina Jayde Ward. Now I will not ever label myself as an Adoptive mom, because I'm just simply a mom. But I will ALWAYS be proud to have Jayde as our daughter and I'll always be thankful for adoption. I now know what it's like to have my heart outside my body. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">These two are my whole world. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4QPJLWmK3iE6QSV6g_DfHQx-S56uvG9x2NOO_GImkORuRSb7Lfy4o1EIVa_uk9RhX5hCjJe4ug4rH8ffCp8vPyvRc4coeyHkFz4w60YI-VKMMOk4PUS9ZgFozaKr362GCy61_t5W79E/s640/blogger-image-1017342712.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4QPJLWmK3iE6QSV6g_DfHQx-S56uvG9x2NOO_GImkORuRSb7Lfy4o1EIVa_uk9RhX5hCjJe4ug4rH8ffCp8vPyvRc4coeyHkFz4w60YI-VKMMOk4PUS9ZgFozaKr362GCy61_t5W79E/s640/blogger-image-1017342712.jpg"></a></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-15543840142094324572015-11-18T08:56:00.001-08:002015-11-18T10:58:24.865-08:00Jane Doe<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i>"We didn't give you the gift of life, Life gave us the gift of you"</i> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJf4Bf_OVTyrPrqm3ogOAmkm79GF9ySKjsClmdXmCpsIi0citMDt1dL1O94GWgfYQ3m1HywnCTU6__m0pyvVFPOeZq3IV8kLtAOeNiHkL1IcwiLzlha8nfg5KhvpDc_gL12cBK6hhaKgo/s640/blogger-image-1684507286.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJf4Bf_OVTyrPrqm3ogOAmkm79GF9ySKjsClmdXmCpsIi0citMDt1dL1O94GWgfYQ3m1HywnCTU6__m0pyvVFPOeZq3IV8kLtAOeNiHkL1IcwiLzlha8nfg5KhvpDc_gL12cBK6hhaKgo/s640/blogger-image-1684507286.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This post might be all over the place. I probably should've made it a two part post but that's ok. So here we go. When Jayde was born her Birthmom didn't give her a name. So legally, by law, her name is Jane Doe. I hate it. I hate that she is even associated with that name because at doctors appointments, our court hearings and just about everything else they call her Jane Doe. Now for some reason her social worker got give her a name to go by in the DSS system. So he picked Eva Grace. When we went to meet her, the Nurses asked us what we were going to name her and we told her we had a name picked out but we weren't sure if we would get to choose it or not. But we told them our name was Jayde. So the nurses started calling her that, and of course that made things more real for us. Now we couldn't come up with a middle name we liked, you'd think after 4 years of trying we would've had this set already but now with it being a real situation we wanted to make sure it felt right. So because our top name had always been Evalina Jayde we decided to go with it and just call her Jayde. Her social worker ended up asking us what we were planning on naming her and we told him. So technically Jayde has 3 unofficial names right now. This breaks my heart only because I'm so ready for her to be associated with Evalina Jayde and ONLY that. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Part 2: </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Now the other day I was sitting with Tiffany (Tiff is my best friend here in VA) and we were talking about baby names and their meanings. She just had her little girl and her name is Alamea Rose. Alamea means Precious. I loved the idea of knowing what her name meant! I had never looked up what Evalina meant before, so I did that day. And to my surprise, the meaning fit our journey so well. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUX7GVX5Ptbi5G6xbhyui_9Oefy_PrwLbXsvj7bYNwu3hhri8mOht-CjoTISm7ln1X0PWPk8SmW9xMYNmrWyRzaiBvgkSnBuWi6uK9-o4zxvyKgF3mU5GM7dvaY-gIR5fC4rz3A-De33M/s640/blogger-image-1706494601.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUX7GVX5Ptbi5G6xbhyui_9Oefy_PrwLbXsvj7bYNwu3hhri8mOht-CjoTISm7ln1X0PWPk8SmW9xMYNmrWyRzaiBvgkSnBuWi6uK9-o4zxvyKgF3mU5GM7dvaY-gIR5fC4rz3A-De33M/s640/blogger-image-1706494601.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Evalina means Life. To me that is so special and so important. She has changed our life, and given us a new one. She has become the most important part of our life. Her Birthmom chose to give her life. So to me, that is just so fitting for our sweet girl. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The moral of this post, is that John and I cannot wait til she is Officially and Legally Evalina Jayde Ward! That day will mark a new chapter for us, and I can't wait. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-37474732633238129532015-11-14T07:32:00.001-08:002015-11-14T07:32:34.128-08:00A letter to my daughter's birth mom."A birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Skye Hardwick<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9uOVUcQQFXDUR2ejkcHxXbmu2rkdJJUyK3P6r_Gj7ngIGv1isuGEOn_6P5-_s8I16l53U2ztvQBxYbKa217UnnXCu9tb3HUDAMXfHT0U8Ps1uM2xKvUZTCN2_cY-iQn0olsJRmOwXfjw/s640/blogger-image-1052308779.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9uOVUcQQFXDUR2ejkcHxXbmu2rkdJJUyK3P6r_Gj7ngIGv1isuGEOn_6P5-_s8I16l53U2ztvQBxYbKa217UnnXCu9tb3HUDAMXfHT0U8Ps1uM2xKvUZTCN2_cY-iQn0olsJRmOwXfjw/s640/blogger-image-1052308779.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Dear Birthmom,</div><div><br></div><div>I honestly don't even know how to start this off besides saying thank you a million times. What you did was so courageous and shows me that you must've been a strong woman. I hope Jayde inherits that trait from you. Everyone who knows Jayde's story is sad for what you did, but I tell them "It is not by any means a sad thing. Her Birthmom loved her enough to give her a better life." I don't know what your circumstances were that caused you to choose this path, but I commend you for making this tough choice. I wish I could tell you how grateful I am for Jayde. You gave her to us. You kept her healthy, and I could never thank you enough for that. I promise that John and I will be the best parents we can be to her and I promise to always remind her that you loved her. I promise to help make her proud of who she is, and her story. I promise to love her as my own. I promise to never let a day go by without telling her I love her. Although we may not know who you are, I will forever have a connection with you. The greatest gift in our life was given to us by you. There is no way "Thank you" will ever be enough. So just know that Jayde will be given the best life possible, and she will be loved forever. You will always be in my heart, and I hope you think of us too. </div><div><br></div><div>Sincerely,</div><div><br></div><div>One very happy mommy. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-453356907530322050.post-12154851017710197072015-11-12T08:02:00.000-08:002015-11-12T19:58:19.662-08:00Jayde is Half a year old!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYp4Z6_XszUNioiAyXLO0ZN7r7VUCZaueSVjllq-Z6sZrHVcYc_1vjvzh9FjFKGrQC9YErPMonJaVly-cGiZ5k6KIxgfFTlXkqL51wDB17FrhCwjuK72HWKRTIskMHnv_j0saLfrfk1Eo/s640/blogger-image--1609292300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYp4Z6_XszUNioiAyXLO0ZN7r7VUCZaueSVjllq-Z6sZrHVcYc_1vjvzh9FjFKGrQC9YErPMonJaVly-cGiZ5k6KIxgfFTlXkqL51wDB17FrhCwjuK72HWKRTIskMHnv_j0saLfrfk1Eo/s640/blogger-image--1609292300.jpg"></font></a>Today, 6 months ago it was just a normal day. I went to grab lunch with Tiffany and during that lunch I got a call from our social worker. I didn't answer at first because we hadn't finished everything yet so I thought she was calling about our next step. Then she called again, I thought well I better answer in case it's an emergency. When I answered I couldn't believe what she had said. There was a baby that would most likely go to adoption and she needed a home. She then asked if we would be willing to take her in. Of course I said YES. Without even speaking to John, bad I know, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion. That day after John got off work we went to visit this baby. When we got there she was in the NICU and we had to scrub up for what felt like the longest 30 seconds of my life. I couldn't believe that in 30 seconds we would meet our possible future child. Once we walked back to where she was, we were so overcome with emotion. I was shaking and I couldn't believe what was happening. There she was, so small and so beautiful. She was in an incubator and we couldn't hold her that day so we just sat and observed this beautiful little girl. The next day when we went to the hospital we scrubbed up again and the nurse said "Ok she's back there feel free to pick her up" and sent us on our way. I was so confused I thought we'd have help getting her out cause we were so nervous. But as soon as we saw her she was crying and it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I picked her up and she instantly stopped crying. I was overwhelmed with love for this little girl I had just met. When I placed her in John's arms I couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear. I was so happy that finally after so long and so many ups and downs we were finally parents. That was 6 months ago. Here we are today with a gorgeous happy and healthy SIX month old! She's growing so much and learning something new everyday. It's still so surreal that I'm a mommy! We love being her parents, and were so happy to have her in our lives. She's so perfect for us, and we couldn't have dreamt up a more beautiful little girl! We look forward to the next six months and the rest of forever with our little Princess!<br>
<br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02643166480059978400noreply@blogger.com0