Birth Mom.

“Giving birth does not make a mother…Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.”

Unknown

It's been almost a month since Jayde turned one. In fact it'll be a month tomorrow. And I've been thinking a lot about her birthmom. In fact I cried on the phone yesterday with my mom, just talking about her. All I've been able to think of is how much hurt she must've had on Jaydes birthday. While we're here celebrating her turning one and being in our lives for a whole year, I forgot to stop and think about the fact that her birth mom has been without her for a whole year. That broke my heart. Don't get me wrong I am forever grateful for my sweet Jayde, but to imagine a life without her kills me. From now on I've decided on every birthday to stop and take a moment to just send up a thank you to her birthmom. I hope she knows Jayde is happy, I hope she feels she made the right choice. Although I'm sure she still feels the pain of her loss, I hope she never forgets why she made this decision. I know I'll never stop being thankful. 

Moments like these make me fearful for the future, the days when Jayde asks me about her and I don't know what to say. It makes me wish we knew something about her. Or what she looks like. I wonder if we've walked by her in the grocery store and both had no clue. Adoption is such a wonderful thing, but I'll never stop thinking about the pain it must've caused on her end. Jayde is the greatest gift in my life (besides her little sibling I'm currently making) and I really wish I could just hug this woman and say thank you for bringing me back to life. For giving me the one thing I've always longed for. On top of that, she gave me the most perfect little human for me.